What if everything you’ve been told about discipline is wrong? What if the reason you can’t stick to your creative practice isn’t because you lack willpower, but because your body is protecting you from repeating a pattern it knows will end in shame?
This week’s guest on Clear Conversations understands this paradox intimately. Brian Maierhofer is a somatic therapist who spent years chasing creative dreams—first as an actor, then as a therapist and writer—while battling the substances he turned to when the cycle of hope, effort, and collapse became unbearable. His journey from eating a stick of butter in a closet at age five to finding cannabis at 13, through to calling his father from college to say “I need to get out of here,” maps the terrain so many creatives know: the search for a differentiated self through anything that promises relief.
What makes Brian’s work revolutionary is his understanding that we don’t fail at discipline because we’re weak. We fail because discipline as we’ve been taught it—force, punishment, “whipping yourself into shape”—triggers the very biochemical addiction to the hope-fear-shame cycle that substances were originally numbing. Real transformation, Brian discovered, requires witnesses who can hold the bigger picture when we lose sight of it, a relationship with something bigger than ourselves, and the courage to be what he calls “professionally human”: flawed, beautiful, and learning out of love.
Show Notes
[03:14] Growing Up in Colorado’s Music Scene: The Arena of the Absurd
Brian shares his early exposure to altered states growing up near Red Rocks Amphitheater, attending Phish concerts and jam band shows with his older brother.
Cannabis became his “drug of choice” at 13-14 years old—it worked for him during a specific period when he was seeking a differentiated sense of self
His first addiction was actually fantasy, with layers including food (hiding in a closet eating butter as a child)
The substances made mathematical sense given what was happening psycho-emotionally at the time
[05:53] The Breaking Point: Two Weeks Into Junior Year
Brian describes the moment he called his father asking to leave college, unsure if he needed rehab but knowing “this isn’t working.”
Spent three months in Arizona in an outpatient program before returning to Denver
Entered traditional 12-step recovery at 22 years old
Now in recovery for 12 years, describing recovery as “the best thing that ever happened to me”
The transformation wasn’t just about putting down substances—it was about becoming a professional human
[09:45] Why We Put Substances Down: The Mathematics of Worthy Substitutes
Brian explains that we only release substances when we find something worthy to replace them with—and why that matters for understanding discipline.
Substances worked as a function during a specific developmental period
The search wasn’t for escape but for a sense of self that felt defined and separate
Traditional discipline approaches fail because they don’t address the underlying need the substance was meeting
Real change requires understanding what the behavior was providing, not just white-knuckling through withdrawal
[15:22] The Myth of Discipline: From “Learning Out of Love” to Military Punishment
Brian traces the etymology of discipline from the Latin disciplina (knowledge, instruction) and discipulus (disciple—to learn out of love) to its appropriation by Roman military culture.
Modern discipline carries connotations of rigidity, self-denial, and masochism
Phrases like “whipping yourself into shape” and “no pain, no gain” reveal our belief that change requires force and suffering
True discipline is about becoming a student of your own compassion
The body can feel the difference between force-based and love-based approaches
[19:30] The Biochemistry of Emotional Addiction: Why Willpower Isn’t Enough
Drawing on Candace Pert’s research, Brian explains how emotions create actual molecules (neuropeptides) in our bodies, making us physically addicted to emotional states.
The hope-fear-shame cycle becomes biochemically reinforcing
Breaking emotional patterns feels like withdrawal because neurologically, it is
Your body creates receptors for repeated emotional experiences—craving them at the cellular level
This is why simply trying harder or being more disciplined doesn’t work
“If perfectionism were a coin, shame would be on one side and control on the other.”
Brian explains that underneath perfectionism lies the internal monologue: “If I can do ALL the right things, I can get the right result, and then I’ll finally feel okay.” He calls this a broken promise of control and safety—and it’s why so many creatives reach for substances when the perfectionism inevitably fails.
[24:18] Carl Jung’s Complexes: The Multi-Generational Battle Against Your Best Intentions
Brian breaks down how Jungian complexes—individual, family, and cultural—hijack our decision-making, especially under stress.
Individual complexes: Your personal history of success and failure
Family complexes: Inherited patterns around reward, punishment, and challenge
Cultural complexes: Societal beliefs about discipline and self-improvement
When you try to exercise discipline, you’re battling generations of programming, not just your own resistance
[32:45] Why Recovery Can’t Happen in Isolation: The Axis of Power
Brian explains his concept of the “axis of power”—the relationship between personal agency and transcendence—and why alcoholism disrupts it.
In active addiction, there’s often a fragmented sense of self—”two characters running the show”
Recovery reintegrates and restabilizes the relationship between personal agency and transcendent power
The 12 steps work as a recursive system, rewinding the psyche to close loops that didn’t close in adolescence
Healing happens through “emotional corrective experiences with other people”—you can’t do it alone
[41:35] Spiritus Contra Spiritum: Why Alcoholism Requires a Spiritual Solution
Brian shares Carl Jung’s famous letter to Bill Wilson about alcoholism as a psycho-spiritual disease.
Jung wrote that man’s thirst for alcohol is equivalent to his thirst for union with God
The helpful axiom: spiritus contra spiritum—spirits versus spirits
Recovery requires three things: a complete psychic and moral reappraisal, the loving hands of human community, and a healthy relationship to transcendence
Alcoholism may pass genetically through epigenetic trauma, not genes
Key Quotes
“If perfectionism were a coin, shame would be on one side and control on the other. Underneath perfectionism lies an internal monologue that sounds something like this: ‘If I can do ALL the right things, I can get the right result, and then I’ll finally feel okay.’ This is a broken promise of control and safety.” - Brian Maierhofer
“I think I turned to substances because they worked for me for a period. And the mathematics of my life and what was going on with me psycho-emotionally, it makes sense that this was a function and something that I turned to.” - Brian Maierhofer
“We put something down when we find a worthy substitute. True discipline is about becoming a student of your own compassion—to learn out of love.” - Brian Maierhofer
“Certain emotions aren’t just psychologically addictive, but biochemically too. Breaking emotional patterns feels like classic withdrawal because neurologically, it is.” - Brian Maierhofer
“Recovery reintegrates and re-stabilizes that relationship between our personal agency and transcendent power. We’re literally rewinding the psyche to find those loops that didn’t close at 13, 14 years old, and we close the loop through emotional corrective experiences with other people.” - Brian Maierhofer
Resources Mentioned
Candace Pert: Neuroscientist known as the “Goddess of Neuroscience,” discovered that emotions are actual molecules (neuropeptides) in the body
Carl Jung: Swiss psychiatrist who developed the theory of psychological complexes and wrote about alcoholism as a psycho-spiritual disease
Carl Jung’s Letter to Bill Wilson: Jung’s final thoughts on alcoholism, written six months before his death
The Gift of Madness (Brian’s forthcoming book): Part memoir, part clinical experience exploring the archetype of the alcoholic—expected October 2026
Somatic Psychology: Body-based approach to healing trauma and breaking patterns
12-Step Recovery: Traditional recovery framework that Brian credits with transforming his life
Where to Find Brian
Brian Maierhofer is a somatic therapist and writer exploring myth, madness, and meaning through his newsletter LiminalMeans on Substack.
Current Offerings:
NeuroSomatic Cohorts: 12-week group programs with brain retraining and neuroplasticity work for chronic pain, illness, trauma, and anxiety (next cohort starts January 2026)
Free 5-Day Somatic Program: Introduction to the five primary somatic skills Brian uses with every client
Self-Paced Somatic Program: Affordable option for body-based healing (nearly 2,000 people have completed it)
Find Brian at LiminalMeans on Substack to explore his essays on addiction, consciousness, embodiment, and the philosophy of new-wave healing.
Your Next Step in Clear-Minded Creativity
If Brian’s story resonates with you—if you recognize that perfectionism coin flipping endlessly between shame and control, or if you’ve been numbing the discomfort of not living up to your creative potential—you’re not alone.
The truth is, substances don’t fail us because we lack discipline. They fail us because they prevent the very transformation we’re seeking. They keep us from the emotional corrective experiences that actually rewire our patterns. They block us from becoming witnesses to our own becoming.
The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day journey designed specifically for creative professionals who are ready to remove alcohol as a barrier to their greatest work. It’s not about willpower or white-knuckling. It’s about finding worthy substitutes—community, purpose, and the courage to be professionally human.
Because as Brian reminds us: we only put something down when we find something better. And what’s better than finally creating from a place of wholeness instead of fragmentation?
Ready to explore what’s possible?
Thank You
A heartfelt thank you to The Monkeymind Meditation Club, Nick Neve, Noelle Richards, Eric J Cunningham, and many others for tuning into my live video with Brian Maierhofer! Your presence and engagement make these conversations possible.
What’s Next
The Sober Creative is more than a newsletter—it’s a movement of individuals reclaiming their creativity by choosing clarity over coping.
The 30-Day Alcohol-Free Reset starts on January 1st.
If you want to see what your creativity feels like without alcohol in the way, this is your moment.
🎯 Take the Clarity Quiz: This assessment reveals certain areas where alcohol may be the exact thing that is quietly sabotaging your creative potential. It’s free and only takes a few minutes.
✍️ Read the Essays: Stories and strategies for building a clear, creative, and intentional life.
🎙️ Join Clear Conversations: Honest talks with creative professionals navigating the intersection of sobriety, self-discovery, and breakthrough work.
💬 Curious about your next step? If you’re sensing that something’s holding you back, but you’re not sure what—reach out. Coaching, community, or clarity—it all starts with a conversation.
✨ The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day journey to remove alcohol as the barrier to your greatest work.
Each step forward is an act of becoming who you’re meant to be.
Thanks for walking this path with me.
Josh
P.S. Missed previous episodes? Browse the Clear Conversations archive to explore more conversations with creative minds in sobriety.
