Paul Overton quit drinking 30 years ago, though he admits he doesn't keep close track anymore. Growing up in 1970s California as a Gen X kid left to his own devices, he started drinking at 12 or 13 and was introduced to cocaine at 16. His family normalized alcohol. Nobody was angry or out of control, but “everybody was definitely half in the bag most of the time once it got to past two in the afternoon.”
For years, Paul worked as a dance teacher traveling the world, and alcohol remained his constant wind-down ritual. He always felt a hole inside that he tried to fill with substances, sex, and other addictive patterns. Eventually, he recognized the problem and told his partner he needed to stop.
But removing alcohol was just the beginning. In his late 40s and early 50s, Paul embarked on several intentional psychedelic journeys—not for recreation, but as medicine alongside EMDR therapy to clear the trauma, shame, and grief underneath his drinking.
Today, he facilitates The Men’s Circle, where men practice showing up without performance, learning to regulate their nervous systems and build real connection.
His journey reveals that sobriety doesn’t follow one prescribed path—and healing means removing what harms us while still doing the deeper work of repair.
Show Notes
[02:08] Growing Up Gen X: Early Experiences with Substances
Paul shares his California upbringing in the 1970s and his early relationship with alcohol and cocaine.
Started experimenting with alcohol at age 12-13, introduced to cocaine at 16
Grew up in an environment of “well-regulated alcoholism” where family members were functional but consistently drinking
Used substances to fill an internal void he always felt
Key Insight: “I always felt a hole in me, with alcohol and substances and whatever I could find, including, you know, sex and all kinds of other things like that. You know, it’s just that addiction cycle was just heavy within me.”
[04:00] The Decision to Get Sober
Halfway through his dance career, Paul recognized his drinking had become a problem and decided to stop.
Made the decision with the support of his partner
His father had been sober for 10-12 years at that point through AA
Tried AA but found support through family and friends instead
Has been intentionally sober for 30 years
Key Insight: “I said to my partner, I said, look, I think I’ve got a problem. I think this has become too much a part of my life. And I’ve got to I’ve got to stop this.”
[05:24] Peeling the Trauma Onion: Behaviors vs. Unmet Needs
Paul explains the concept of the “trauma onion” and how healing requires moving from behaviors to understanding deeper needs.
The outer layer is behaviors (addiction, compulsions)
The next layer is unmet needs driving those behaviors
The innermost layers are belief systems and attachment wounds
Sobriety alone doesn’t address the core wounds that created the need for substances
Key Insight: “On the outside of that onion is behaviors, you know, and on the inside, the next layer in is unmet needs, right? And so I had to figure out what my unmet needs were that were causing those behaviors on the outside.”
[08:17] Psychedelics as Healing Tools: Intentional Work After Decades Sober
In his late 40s and early 50s, Paul used psychedelics intentionally for trauma healing, not recreation.
Combined psychedelic journeys with EMDR therapy for maximum effectiveness
Used these experiences to access and process deeper layers of trauma, shame, and grief
Emphasized these were intentional healing practices, not recreational use
The work addressed wounds that had been underneath his drinking all along
Key Insight: “In his late 40s and early 50s, he embarked on several intentional psychedelic journeys for healing, not recreation, using these experiences alongside EMDR therapy to clear trauma, shame, and grief that had been underneath his drinking all along.”
[18:27] The Nervous System Revolution: Why Regulation Matters More Than Willpower
Paul discusses how understanding nervous system regulation changed his approach to healing and working with others.
Most healing work focuses on thoughts and behaviors but ignores nervous system states
True change requires learning to regulate your nervous system, not just changing your thinking
Co-regulation with safe others is essential for healing
The body keeps score and must be included in any real transformation
Key Insight: “Most men don’t need fixing—they need to be less alone, more regulated, and more connected over time.”
[26:31] The Loneliness Epidemic: Why Men Struggle to Make Friends
Paul addresses the crisis of male friendship and why initiation feels so uncomfortable for men.
Women tend to have multiple friendships with built-in redundancy
Men have forgotten how to make friends and feel intense discomfort with male-to-male initiation
Cultural homophobia and toxic masculinity make reaching out to other men feel “yucky”
Men often dump all emotional needs onto romantic partners, which isn’t fair or sustainable
Key Insight: “We forgot how to make friends. And now initiation with another man feels yucky. It feels awful to try to initiate with another man. Even if you’re having a conversation and say, hey, Josh, I really like this conversation. I’d love to continue it. Could we have coffee sometime or something like that? Even that feels so uncomfortable to most men.”
[30:22] Small Groups and Co-Regulation: Building Sustainable Connection
The conversation wraps with reflections on the value of small, intimate groups for nervous system regulation.
Both Josh and Paul prefer small groups over large social gatherings
Small groups allow for co-regulation rather than overwhelming the nervous system
Consistency matters more than intensity—regular connection with safe people is transformative
Paul maintains a 40-year friendship where they meet every Sunday to talk about life
Key Insight: “I think just within the small groups that I pick, there just have to be other people that I can co-regulate with, right. There has to be, it can’t be a bunch of non-regulated dudes hanging out together because that just ups the ante of all the nervous system stuff.”
Key Quotes
“I always felt a hole in me, with alcohol and substances and whatever I could find, including, you know, sex and all kinds of other things like that. You know, it’s just that addiction cycle was just heavy within me.” - Paul Overton
“We all have this little onion we need to peel. On the outside of that onion is behaviors, you know, and on the inside, the next layer in is unmet needs, right? And so I had to figure out what my unmet needs were that were causing those behaviors on the outside.” - Paul Overton
“A lot of men aren’t closed off by nature. They’re just well-trained.” - Paul Overton
“We forgot how to make friends. And now initiation with another man feels yucky. It feels awful to try to initiate with another man.” - Paul Overton
“Most men don’t need fixing—they need to be less alone, more regulated, and more connected over time.” - Paul Overton
Resources Mentioned
EMDR Therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)
The Men’s Circle - Paul’s men’s group, meets twice weekly (once online, once in-person for walks)
Nervous System States: Ventral vagal (safe/social), Sympathetic (fight/flight), Dorsal vagal (shutdown/collapse)
Psychedelic-Assisted Therapy - Used intentionally as medicine for trauma processing
Where to Find Paul Overton
Trauma informed support for men seeking stability and connection.
Ground offers support for men navigating stress, isolation, and overload. This work helps men slow the pace, reduce internal pressure, and show up more fully with themselves and the people they care about.
He currently offers a paid tier but everyone gets the same content free right now. He welcomes subscribers, comments, and engagement.
Thank You
A heartfelt thank you to Bob Lewis, Noelle Richards, and many others who joined us live for this conversation and to Paul Overton for his extraordinary honesty and wisdom. Your presence and engagement make these conversations possible.
From Removing Substances to Restoring Capacity
Paul finished his dance teaching career while drinking. He could function. But the real work began when he started peeling back the layers—understanding what the alcohol was covering, why the hole was there in the first place.
Without alcohol, Paul started doing EMDR. He used psychedelic medicine. He began facilitating The Men’s Circle. He learned about nervous system regulation. His capacity didn’t just grow—it opened to work he couldn’t have done while braced.
If you’re sensing that alcohol is keeping something braced inside you, that friction is real. And it’s costing you more than productivity—it’s costing you the capacity to repair what’s underneath.
The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day journey to help people remove alcohol as the barrier to their greatest work. Not about deprivation—about repair. Moving from functioning to restoring.
Learn more about The Sober Creative Method™
