For 32 episodes, I’ve sat across from creative professionals who’ve chosen sobriety and discovered something remarkable: clarity doesn’t diminish creativity—it unlocks it.
I’ve listened to transformation stories, watched people articulate what they couldn’t see while they were in it, and built a community around the idea that removing the fog reveals the work you were always capable of.
But I haven’t directly told you my story. Not really.
After a year of asking others vulnerable questions about their relationship with alcohol, I finally turned the mic toward myself. This wasn’t easy. But if I’m going to guide others through their transformation, I need to be willing to share my own messy, beautiful journey.
What you’ll hear in this episode is raw and unscripted. The childhood bullying that shaped my self-image. The depression that grew quietly through high school. The decades of using alcohol to escape feelings I didn’t know how to process. And ultimately, how I found my way to a place where my body finally feels like home.
This is my story. Not the highlight reel, but a glimpse into the real one.
Show Notes
[02:00] A Beautiful Childhood with Hidden Struggles
Growing up, my childhood looked perfect from the outside. Loving parents, lots of activities, good friends. I moved frequently—Sacramento to Florida to Kentucky and back—before finishing high school in Florida.
Moving frequently taught me to adapt quickly and build relationships, though sustaining deep connections was more challenging
High school brought bullying experiences that “nicked” me in ways I’m still unpacking
Being called “Poindexter” by a friend’s peer created a lasting wound about not being capable or tough enough
Looking back at photos from that time, I can see the unhappiness that was growing inside
Depression began taking root, though I didn’t have the awareness to name it yet
Key insight: The experiences that shape our beliefs about ourselves often happen in moments we don’t expect, and their impact lasts far longer than the moment itself.
[05:00] Escaping Through Substances (Even When They Made Things Worse)
My relationship with drugs and alcohol started in high school, primarily smoking weed and drinking. The irony? Even though I used these substances to escape, they often made my anxiety worse.
I remember smoking alone and becoming paranoid that the laughter from a late-night TV show was directed at me
Despite the discomfort and nervousness, I kept using because I was trying to escape something deeper
The pattern continued for years: asking “why do I feel this way?” while using the very things that made me feel worse
Key insight: We often continue destructive patterns not because they work, but because we don’t know what else to do with the feelings we’re trying to escape.
[09:00] The “Why” Question That Haunted Me
For years, I was stuck in a loop of asking “why do I feel this way?” I had a good life, supportive relationships, a great job. From the outside, everything looked fine.
Our minds and bodies evolved to keep us safe from physical danger, but now they react to emotional threats the same way
When uncomfortable thoughts arise, our bodies tense up, and we don’t know what to do with that sensation
The cognitive awareness that comes with adulthood can become a burden when you’re constantly analyzing your own thoughts
Drinking was my way of numbing the constant mental chatter and self-questioning
Key insight: Depression isn’t about having a “bad” life. It’s about not knowing what to do with the thoughts and sensations that arise, even when everything externally looks good.
[12:00] My First Drink and Family Estrangement
My older brother gave me my first drink. We’re now estranged and haven’t spoken in years, along with my parents on that side.
This early introduction to alcohol set a pattern that would last for decades
The numbing effect of alcohol became my primary coping mechanism
Key insight: Our earliest experiences with substances often come wrapped in complicated relationships that influence how we use them for years to come.
[20:00] The Career That Enabled My Drinking
Working in the film industry for nearly 20 years created the perfect environment for my alcohol use to flourish unchecked.
The industry normalizes and even celebrates drinking culture
Long hours and high stress made drinking feel like a natural “reward”
Being surrounded by others who drank heavily made my own consumption seem normal
I was a high-functioning alcoholic, which made it easier to deny there was a problem
Key insight: When your environment normalizes the behavior you’re struggling with, it becomes nearly impossible to see it clearly.
[25:00] The Turning Point: When I Finally Let Go
Five years ago, I made the decision to stop drinking. It wasn’t a dramatic rock bottom, but rather a quiet realization that alcohol was keeping me from becoming who I needed to be.
I didn’t follow the traditional AA path, though I respect it deeply
My spiritual beliefs center around nature and interconnectedness rather than organized religion
Last year I discovered Recovery Dharma and now facilitate weekend meetings
The decision to stop wasn’t about hitting rock bottom but about recognizing I wanted something different
Key insight: You don’t need to lose everything to decide you deserve better. Sometimes the quiet realization that you’re ready for change is enough.
[35:00] Finding Home in My Own Body
When asked where recovery happens, my answer surprised even me: place resides within. Recovery isn’t about changing your location but about making peace with yourself.
This body, this container, is home
Creating a place of comfort and ease within yourself is the work
It requires support through therapy, community, and sometimes medication
I was on Prozac for several years and came off it five to six months ago
Having community support has been essential
Key insight: Recovery is about creating a home within yourself that you can feel comfortable and at ease in, regardless of external circumstances.
[40:00] The Power of Simply Listening
One of the most beautiful aspects of recovery communities is the practice of holding space without trying to fix or advise.
In Recovery Dharma (like AA), people share and others simply listen
There’s no cross-talk, no advice-giving, just witnessing
When you hear someone else’s experience, you often recognize your own story
The power isn’t in solving each other’s problems but in not being alone with them
Key insight: Sometimes the most powerful thing we can offer another person is our full attention without trying to fix, solve, or respond.
Key Quotes
“They nick you. You don’t know when they’re going to come, but they hit you. And it’s like, man, is that who I am? This nerdy guy that doesn’t know how to fight and is not capable.” - Josh Woll
“I just remember so many years just like asking why, like, why do I feel this way? Like my life is good. You know, I’ve got support, I’ve got friends, I’ve got great job.” - Josh Woll
“Place really resides within. This me, this container is home. It’s how does this place, like how do me living in my body create a place that I can feel comfortable with and ease with?” - Josh Woll
“It’s so beautiful to sit there and just listen to someone and, you know, that’s why I think it’s so powerful about community. You just listen to someone else’s experience and most likely you’ll experience something similar yourself.” - Josh Woll
Resources Mentioned
Recovery Dharma: A recovery community that blends Buddhist principles with recovery support (described as “Buddha meets AA”)
Prozac (SSRI): Mentioned as part of Josh’s journey with managing depression
The Sober Creative Reset: 31-day program with daily email prompts, weekly meetings, and an awareness tracker
Where to Find Josh
Clear Conversations Podcast: Interviews with professionals navigating sobriety
Ready to Do Your Own Deep Work?
If this conversation resonated with you, if you’re tired of asking “why do I feel this way?” while numbing the answer, there’s a path forward.
The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day journey designed specifically for people who are ready to remove alcohol as the barrier to their greatest work. This isn’t about powering through cravings or simply stopping drinking. It’s about the deeper transformation that happens when you finally create a home within yourself.
The framework follows three phases:
RELEASE → Let go of alcohol and the stories that kept you stuck
CREATE → Build new patterns and rediscover your creative power
BECOME → Step into the version of yourself you’ve been avoiding
This is 1-on-1 coaching for those who are ready to do the real work. Not surface-level motivation, but the messy, vulnerable, transformational journey toward becoming a version of yourself you keep falling in love with.
Thank you
Thank you Dr. Amber Hull, Noelle Richards, Eric J Cunningham, and many others for tuning in. Your presence and engagement make these conversations possible.
What’s Next
The Sober Creative is more than a newsletter—it’s a movement of individuals reclaiming their creativity by choosing clarity over coping.
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If you missed this opportunity to join, there are going to be more coming this year.
Click the link below and enter your email in to be put on the waiting list.
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✨ The Sober Creative Method™ is a 90-day journey to remove alcohol as the barrier to your greatest work.
Each step forward is an act of becoming.
Thanks for walking this path with me.
Josh
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P.S. Missed previous episodes? Browse the Clear Conversations archive to explore more conversations with creative minds in sobriety.
