IAN FEE took his first drink at age one, handed a sip of beer by his own dad while sitting in a highchair. He grew up in the 1970s and 80s, when parents dipped a baby’s binky in wine and nobody thought twice about it. By the time he hit his twenties, drinking wasn’t just a habit. It was the whole architecture of his social life and his career.
Ian built a sales career on entertaining clients at bars, casinos, and golf courses. He called alcohol his superpower, the thing that let him build relationships and close deals. From the outside, it worked. From the inside, it cost him his health, his judgment, and eventually his second marriage.
In 2017, Ian checked into a ten-day rehab program built around aversion therapy, pairing real alcohol with a drug that made him violently sick. He walked out on Halloween and was served divorce papers in his garage forty minutes later. Almost a decade on, he’s rebuilt his mornings, his body, and his relationships from the ground up. His biggest lesson isn’t about willpower. It’s about who you let into your circle.
Show Notes
[00:00] Meet Ian Fee: Life of the Party, Turned Sobriety Advocate
Ian is the author of Wild Ride to Sobriety, a memoir about what drove him to drink, what got him out, and what he found on the other side.
He got sober in 2017 after building an entire identity, and career, around alcohol.
His central argument: sobriety doesn’t take away who you are. It gives you better access to it.
Key Insight: “I caught how to drink very, very well.”
[01:41] Raised on Booze: A Childhood Built Around Drinking
Ian’s first drink was at age one. His parents dipped his binky in wine and gave him sips of beer as a toddler.
His parents were, in his words, “social alcoholics” and the life of the party. Daily drinking was never treated as a problem, it was just what everyone did.
By grade school he could name every neighbor’s drink order and knew exactly when to refill a glass, a skill he says he still has today.
Key Insight: “Things are caught, not taught.”
[04:55] Building a Career (and an Identity) Around Alcohol
Ian studied hotel management in San Diego and built his sales career on entertaining clients at bars, strip clubs, casinos, and golf courses.
He believed getting clients liquored up was the key to building relationships and closing business.
He was hosting people at his house five-plus days a week, sometimes 15 to 20 people on a random weeknight.
Key Insight: “I thought alcohol was my superpower... and boy was I wrong.”
[07:22] The Awkward Shift: Staying Social Without the Bottle
When Ian stopped drinking, longtime friends and clients assumed something was wrong with him.
He still takes clients out and stays social, he just doesn’t drink to do it.
Watching his transformation has made several longtime clients sober curious, and a few have cut back or quit entirely.
Key Insight: “It’s such a ripple effect, the silent impact you’re making that you don’t even realize the reach that you have.”
[10:59] Rock Bottom and Rehab: Inside Aversion Therapy
In 2017, Ian checked into Schick’s Shadow, one of only two facilities in the country offering aversion therapy for alcoholism at the time.
The ten-day program paired doses of ipecac with real alcohol, training his body to associate drinking with violent nausea. He says the aversion still works today, almost a decade later.
He walked out of treatment on Halloween, drove straight home, and was served divorce papers in his garage.
Key Insight: “Unless you’re right, nothing’s going to be right, no matter what you do.”
[16:56] Sobriety Was the Easy Part: Facing the Emotions Underneath
Ian says quitting drinking was simple compared to processing decades of emotions he’d been numbing.
He hired an accountability coach right out of rehab and still talks to her every week.
He rebuilt his mornings around no phone for the first 30 minutes, breath-work, journaling, a cold plunge, and a page of reading before the gym. He lost 85 pounds in the process and credits Atomic Habits for the idea of stacking small changes over time.
Key Insight: “Getting sober was the easy part for me. Today you have all the emotions, all the things I was numbing for 40-plus years.”
[25:28] Creativity, Impact, and the Power of Your Circle
For Ian, creativity isn’t art or a hobby. It’s making an impact by sharing his story so someone else can become a better parent, partner, or business owner.
He tells people who want to get sober that their circle is the real obstacle. Changing who you spend time with is uncomfortable, but necessary.
He’s already sketching his next book, tentatively titled Circle of Four or Power of Five, about how the people you run with decide where you end up.
Key Insight: “Your circle’s your problem.”
Key Quotes
“I caught how to drink very, very well.” - Ian Fee
“Things are caught, not taught.” - Ian Fee
“I was in the fast lane, in the fog, with the emergency brake on. Today it’s sunny skies, no emergency brake, and doing 90 in the fast lane.” - Ian Fee
“Unless you’re right, nothing’s going to be right, no matter what you do.” - Ian Fee
“Your circle’s your problem.” - Ian Fee
Resources Mentioned
Wild Ride to Sobriety - Ian Fee’s memoir, purchase link below.
Atomic Habits by James Clear - referenced as Ian’s model for stacking small habits over time.
Schick’s Shadow - the aversion therapy rehab program Ian completed in 2017, formerly with locations in Seattle and Florida.
Where to Find Ian Fee
Memoir - Wild Ride to Sobriety
Website - https://ianfee.com/
Your Next Step
Ian’s story keeps coming back to one idea: the people around you decide where you end up. Getting sober didn’t just change what he drank, it changed who he spent his time with, and that’s the part most people underestimate.
If you’re sensing that alcohol, or the circle built around it, might be capping what you’re capable of, let’s talk about it. Coaching starts with a single conversation, no pitch, just a look at what’s actually in the way.
Thank You
A heartfelt thank you to Ryan Conklin, Noelle Richards, Jill DePhillip, CRNP-PMH, and everyone who joined us live for this conversation, and to IAN FEE for his honesty and generosity in sharing his story. Your presence and engagement make these conversations possible.
