Jen Benford grew up carrying more than most people ever have to carry. Adopted at age two or three, moved through four homes before then, her aunt and uncle raised her in those first few formative years. Not finding out until she was 19 that she had six or seven half-siblings out in the world somewhere. Through all of it, she kept moving forward and kept the weight of it buried.
When alcohol entered the picture at 14, it did what it does. It made the buried stuff easier to ignore. By the time she was a Division I college athlete, then a corporate strategist, then a founder, she had spent decades performing for rooms that weren’t always designed for her. It wasn’t until she sat in a funeral home listening to strangers talk about a father she’d never met that something finally broke open in a way she couldn’t put back down.
Jen is five and a half years alcohol-free. She coaches creators, feelers, and rebuilders. She writes on Substack at the Divergent Talent Alchemist. And in this conversation, she said out loud some things she’d never said before.
SHOW NOTES
[05:27] The First Drink, the First Game, and What She Thought It Proved
Jen was 14, new to town, in the woods with high school friends, holding either a Busch Light or Natural Ice, something really disgusting.
The feeling she described was immediate: something lifting off her brain. Stress gone. A switch flipped.
She went home, got sick on her carpet and her pink Timberlands, flipped the rug over, and played the game of her life the next morning.
That combination, the relief plus the invincibility, told her brain something it would take decades to unlearn.
By college, she was a Division I soccer player who got injured her sophomore year and ended up at frat parties in a wheelchair. The party came to her.
Key Insight: “It felt like something lifted up off of my brain. I was like, oh, you know, this kind of feels interesting. Like I feel less stress. Where has this kind of been my whole life.” — Jen Benford
[09:04] Adoption, Instability, and the Weight She Carried Without Knowing
Jen was adopted at three, but the story started earlier than that.
She lived in four homes before she was two or three. Her birth parents showed up at her aunt and uncle’s door. Nobody even knew they were pregnant.
Her aunt and uncle raised her until circumstances led her to live with her blood grandmother, and after her grandmother passed, she was formally adopted.
At 19, she found out about the half-siblings. Her uncle paid her birth mother five dollars to sign away parental rights. These were things she processed slowly, over years.
She describes two things being true at once: deep gratitude for the family that raised her, and real grief for what happened before them.
Key Insight: “I went through life saying like, oh yeah, I was adopted into this family and it’s great and I’m so, so grateful. It’s like two things can be true.” — Jen Benford
[14:10] The Funeral That Became a Turning Point
When Jen’s birth father passed away, she was with her husband Hans. Her body reacted before her mind could catch up.
She described it as “projectile, like everywhere” — a full physical response she now understands as her body finally releasing something it had been holding for years.
At the funeral, strangers kept saying “Oh, look, it’s Jimmy’s daughter.” He had talked about her soccer career to people he’d never introduced her to.
He had struggled with schizophrenia and had no car, no resources. But he walked to and from AA meetings and made the coffee for the group. People called him Coffee Pot. His purpose was to help others who were struggling.
In the parking lot afterward, Jen opened a note in her phone. Two things: start her business and dedicate it to him. And cut out alcohol before she ended up where too many people in that room already were.
Key Insight: “I opened up a note in my phone afterwards and I was like, okay, two things. One, I’m going to start my own business and dedicate it to him. And two, I somehow need to cut out alcohol because specifically alcohol was the thing for me that really, like nothing good ever came from it.” — Jen Benford
[20:22] Going Cold Turkey and Reliving Everything
Her last drink was March 2021, the height of COVID.
Cold turkey. No AA. Before she got there, she saw a neurologist, a psychiatrist, a psychologist. She committed to actually processing what she’d been carrying.
The first three months were the hardest. When the suppressant disappears, the suppressed stuff surfaces.
She was reliving breakups, old grief, old wounds, with a vividness that surprised her. Everything she had shoved down came back up clear.
She stayed with it. She was in therapy. She didn’t slip.
Key Insight: “Once you pull that plug, everything comes up and now you don’t have a suppressant. While it was cold turkey, there were times where I was probably wanting to shove some stuff down. But I never did. I was just working. I was in therapy and I was working through processing a lot of this trauma that I had been carrying with me my whole life.” — Jen Benford
[24:44] Being Bullied in Middle School and What She Did About It
Jen had always felt a little different. And in middle school, that made her a target.
Two girls were spreading rumors, threatening to fight her. On picture day, she took her hoop earrings out and put her hair up.
A crowd formed in the hallway. One of the girls told her that her “real parents” gave her up because she wasn’t good enough. Said she was worthless.
Jen had the books in her arms. When the girl bumped into her, she threw them.
She never forgot that moment. Not because of the fight. Because of what it took to finally stop absorbing what other people were projecting onto her.
Key Insight: "Your real parents did this and gave you up because you weren't good enough. Like you're worthless. I would have given you up too. And I can feel like I was a very soft person leading up to this and I like feel like just the anger and the rage and the like everything coursing through my veins." — Jen Benford
[33:36] The Alphabet Soup of Diagnosis and What It Actually Helped Her Understand
ADHD at 29 or 30. CPTSD after that.
She was in Gifted and Talented as a kid. The system missed a lot.
She calls it alphabet soup — the medical system throwing terminology at you. But she doesn’t dismiss it either. The labels gave her access to rabbit holes that helped her understand her brain, her body, how she shows up.
The triggers don’t disappear. That’s the thing she’s clear about. The body keeps the score. The work is learning to manage and still build something meaningful while that’s true.
She sees the gaps: in schools, in the medical system, in homes. Kids aren’t taught to regulate their nervous systems, name what they’re feeling, or ask for help. Alcohol fills that void by default.
Key Insight: “The thing about it is the triggers don’t go away because the body does keep the score. And so it’s like how can you manage these things and build a life that you love and just be the best that you can for you and others while you’re here.” — Jen Benford
[39:11] What Life Looks Like Now
Jen and her husband live on a micro farm in North Carolina. Goats. Chickens. Ducks.
Slow mornings. No alarm clock. Coffee with the dogs.
She writes on Substack, coaches clients, consults on branding, and helps people build brands that start with identity before they ever touch strategy.
She launched The Divergent Brand, a 12-week cohort for creators, founders, and people leaving corporate who want to build something built around who they actually are.
Her encouragement for anyone thinking about walking away from alcohol: ask for help earlier than you think you need to. Get a mentor. You don’t have to carry it alone.
Key Insight: “I feel like days have got like double or triple as long and I’m able to savor those little moments, which are what make life worth living.” — Jen Benford
Key Quotes
“It felt like something lifted up off of my brain. I was like, oh, you know, this kind of feels interesting. Like I feel less stress. Where has this kind of been my whole life.” — Jen Benford
“I never realized how many emotions I was actually stuffing down until, you know, the last six or seven years.” — Jen Benford
“Once you pull that plug, everything comes up and now you don’t have a suppressant.” — Jen Benford
“I feel like days have got like double or triple as long and I’m able to savor those little moments, which are what make life worth living.” — Jen Benford
“In order to really understand yourself, I truly believe you have to do the work first, and then you can build your brand from there.” — Jen Benford
Resources Mentioned
Trip by Calm — a supplement Jen uses with ashwagandha, L-theanine, and magnesium as part of her sobriety toolkit
The Divergent Brand Cohort — Jen’s 12-week brand-building program starting July 14th, covering mission, vision, values, and personal brand development for early-stage founders and people reinventing themselves. Limited spots available.
Therapy, neurology, psychiatry — Jen credits the combination of professional support as essential to her cold turkey process
The concept of “the body keeps the score” — the idea that unprocessed trauma lives in the body, not just the mind
Where to Find Jen
You can also find her at BenfordTalentAlchemy.com and on Instagram and TikTok.
If you’re interested in The Divergent Brand cohort starting July 14th, reach out to Jen directly through her Substack or website below.
Thank You
A heartfelt thank you to Florence Acosta, Noelle Richards, Katrina Sechrest, Flora Acosta, and many others who joined us live for this conversation, and to Jen Benford for her honesty and courage. She said out loud things she had never said before, and she did it all in front of you. That’s not a small thing.
From This Episode to Your Next Step
If this conversation stirred something in you, I want to hear about it.
Maybe you recognize the pattern Jen described — performing for rooms that weren’t designed for you, keeping the weight hidden, not quite sure what you’ve been carrying or how long you’ve been carrying it. Maybe alcohol has been the thing helping you not look at it too closely.
That’s exactly where a conversation can help. Not a sales call. Just a real talk about where you are, what you’ve been using to get through, and what might be in the way of the work you actually want to do.
No pressure. No pitch. Just a conversation.
