From Numb to Clear: Releasing Alcohol Opened Me to Possibility (Part 1 of 3)
How letting go of alcohol revealed clarity I didn’t know was possible
Brilliant ideas. Burnout cycles. Work that never sees the light. Is alcohol quietly sabotaging your creative potential? Take the quiz and find out.
Staring off into space. Unclear. Distant.
In my mind, this was an empty space. In front of me was the reality of blurred streams of cars passing by, people walking down the sidewalk holding hands, lights changing from red to green. Life unfolding moment by moment as it always does. But, something was different. I was not awake. My mind was fixated on a problem and was determined to find a solution. How do you find a solution to a problem that does not exist?
This is what I experienced through depression. There were a lot of days that felt normal. Then there were days I didn’t know if this invincible force would take hold of me and not let go for the entire day. Things I would typically shrug off would add fuel to my already altered state. They would compound. I would get more upset. More detached. I didn’t want to be around anyone. I didn’t want anyone to feel this energy.
I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t know what “it” was.
I would cry. And I would think, why am I crying? Why am I upset?
It’s hard to describe this. I’ll try my best to.
Stuck, depressed, worthless, not knowing what’s wrong.
I would be so focused on the why. Searching through google, asking my therapist, friends, but the majority of time asking myself. This forever spinning internal dialogue. You know that colorful spinning wheel when your computer is loading? That’s what my depression felt like. Loading with no clear sign of being booted up. The answer wasn’t there. Could there have been the possibility I was searching for something that wasn’t there? Searching for something that may have not been a problem in a first place?
Maybe I was attaching a physical emotional feeling from my body to a thought that didn’t match or was not there.
The weight of my stomach felt like a boulder.
I didn’t know what it was like to connect with myself in a more healthy way. The concept of meditation did not exist. Labeling how my body was feeling was another language I didn’t know how to speak. Being with my emotions. There’s no way.
Then there were other solutions.
Alcohol was used to numb my why.
When my days started, I knew it was going to be hard and the subconscious behavior in my mind had already made the choice before 5p.
Alcohol was the solution to fix the “problem.”
This was working for me and would ultimately lead to attachment.
The attachment was repeated night after night. It was reinforced. It became an addiction.
It was what I thought at the time was the best solution.
When you don’t know or you don’t have the knowledge, then you keep going down the same path. You keep making the same choices.
You can read about the problem, you can be told how to address the problem, but you have to release the problem before even knowing what the solution is.
You can read about the solution, but in order to become the solution, you have to act on the practice.
You have something inside you that wants more. That yearns to create. To feel alive again.
This soft voice whispers, “there is something better for you.”
What's Next
The Sober Creative is more than a newsletter—it's a movement of professionals reclaiming their creativity by choosing clarity over compromise.
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💡Discover Your Creative Pattern: Take the free 5-minute quiz to reveal how alcohol may be blocking, draining, or hiding your creative potential.
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